Scare the Bill Collectors

Why panic when burly bailiffs come to the door when armed with some good advice? Indeed, when it comes to debt problems, knowledge is power. Here are some hot tips on how to get out of paying debt when the creditors pay you a visit.

How to Deal with Bailiffs at the Door

Make Friends with your Credit Card

 If the credit agency pays a visit to lay the heavy treatment, try the following:

• Flirt with them.
• Fake an epileptic fit.
• Offer them a cup of tea.
• Plead insanity.
• Or say it wasn’t you. It was Colin, the credit card. He kept telling you to spend. Speeennnd!” What else were you supposed to do but do what the voices told you?

How to Get out of Paying Debt the Silly Way

Before the debtors pay a visit, get a change of name deed signed and witnessed. If the bailiffs say, “Mr Bloggs, we have come to serve notice on your property.” You can say, “I’m sorry, there is no Mr Bloggs living here but I am Mr Blarggs. Perhaps I may be able to help. Would you like a cup of tea?”

You could claim that one of the bailiffs is your long lost son. With a little detail on his background, you could embellish a little. Begin by saying his nose is long and hooked like your first lost boyfriend who had run off when he got you up the duff. Shame about the adoption... oh, it was about thirty years ago. The boy would be about...oooh, the same age as you.

Before the bailiffs come to your door, unscrew the door numbers along the road and switch them around. If you live at number 53, renumber the houses thus: 51, 51a, 55 etc. Or why not do a total reshuffle of numbers, such as: 24, 57, 81, 74, etc.

Scare off the Debt Recovery Agents

Claim your husband is a genital doctor, and you were wondering if the treatment was working OK? Remark that the bailiff is looking a little peaky today. But will drop the subject about his privates if he leaves the furniture where it is.

Bandage your arm against your torso and pretend you are an amputee. Tell them you would help them with the lugging, but cannot lift the cabinet with one arm.

How to Escape the Creditor's Visit

So there you are. Never fear if the debtors come to your door. With the aforementioned advice, you will be able to defend yourself or scare them off and finally say goodbye to debt and those nasty debt recovery companies for good.