Bad Book Covers, So Bad, They’re Good, but Some are Simply Crap

Crap book cover designs don’t necessarily dent the author’s sales as I had thought. They in fact attract attention. In this case, mine. Some are so bad, they are great. Find my choice selection of poor book cover designs.

PRE POLITICALLY CORRECT BOOK COVERS

Beethoven and Harpo have horrible secrets and so does the sexy daddy who is also a good lover. Never knew Baden-Powell felt that way, nor Tarzan about Cheetah. Anything with Savile’s face is abhorrent, and who will toss my salad?

BAD ARTWORK ON BOOK COVERS

Wobbly airbrush, dodgy compositions, figures look like taxidermist models or plastic Ken and Barbies. In the case, of Steez big red letters plonked over the redhead’s face. Stallion males have weird abs, cartoonish crabs and octopi instil wonder rather than fear and what is that face on fire?

DIVINE BOOKS NOT DIVINE IN COVER DESIGN

Questions arise, what is beneath the Mantle? Mother Theresa would be horrified and BIRTH CONTROL IS SINFUL IN THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES and...oh, forget to switch off CAPS. But learning some Jesus moves could help the retarded know God. Peek-a-boo, Jesus!

ANYTHING WITH WEREWOLVES AND TORSOS

What is it about Werewolves and torsos? All aesthetic go out of the window when the two are put together. The Final Harvest of the Werewolf is...oh dear. I’m sorry, but a Mate for the Wolf could mean man and...er beast. Watch out for those fangs!  What’s the deal with the freaky tattoo on the man’s back? And the hairy freak in Onio?

CHRONICLES OF THE BAD BOY BOSS BILLIONAIRE WITH A HUGE TORSOS AND GIGANTIC ABS

Look out for words like paranormal romance, shapeshifter, billionaire romance (or millionaire romance for the working class), saga collection, chronicles book one, or two or thirteen, or series book one (or thirteen), with words including blood, dragons, vampires, the Boss, bad boy, alpha male, bondage, pictures of moons, BBW (is that a typo for BMW? And other such acronyms), witches, aliens and arse clamps. Book cover design is incidental to what awaits within! By the way, is that Ryan Giggs on the top right?

The bigger the abs, the better.

CHEESY ROMANTIC BOOK COVER DESIGNS

I’d run a mile if I saw that ripped-shirted male beckoning to me with a bunch of flowers. ‘Oh, come to me, my fair one!’ The BBW and the Space Lord. It’s that BMW typo again, only with magnificent pecks! Showroom dummy figures, tormented virgins, and Fabio. Oh, let them eat cake!

DON'T THINK THEY MEANT THAT

According to the cover, who cares about the disabled? And yes, being awesome takes practice! And a woman that seemed progressive for the age tells us, ‘always ask a man!’ Watch out for that inappropriately placed cowboy’s log...Oh, do I have to go on? Let the covers speak for themselves!

BAD PHOTOSHOP SKILLS

Simply so bad, I love 'em. What can I say?